The mother and the Joker guide to overcoming anxiety
In general, it is not worth following the life advice of fictional characters. The lens of drama has a way of distorting things.
Sitcoms teach us that fate, coincidence, and poetic justice will slap us in the funniest way possible.
Roman comedies teach us that the best way to find love is to completely destroy all trust in someone.
Action movies teach us the limits of biology (heck, even physics) are optional.
But sometimes fiction gets it right and shows us something worth learning.
Think of Heath Ledger’s Joker.
He is a deranged psychopath whose only goal is chaos. It’s a tough message to sell: chaos can be fun, but exhausting.
It is difficult to sleep in a riot.
Still, he builds an army, using people so crazy they can’t function as adults. You can get a glimpse of his process when a now loyal fan says that the Joker promised to replace all the angry voices in his head with beautiful lights, just like Christmas.
Which, naturally, reminds me of the Mother from How I Met Your Mother.
He meets Barney, an extraordinary playboy, who wants to settle down with the girl of his dreams. But he begins to convince himself not to, saying that when it comes to women, he’s on top of his game.
The Mother simply asks him: do you want to continue playing? Or do you want to win?
That’s the push you need to realize what you really want.
What do these examples have in common?
Nor is it about fighting obstacles.
It is not about imposing changes.
Imagine if the Joker had ordered someone with schizophrenia to do his orders. Either he threatened you or tried to pay you back.
What if the Mother had given Barney a cheesy speech about the power of love.
Blech.
Good luck with that approach.
Impose your answer on someone and they will reject it.
Gold…
You can join them in their reality.
Yes, this voice in your head is real … and I can help you with that.
Yes, you are at the top of your game … but what is the goal of a game, exactly?
This gives you a juicy way to handle anxiety, or just about any other problem. The temptation is to fight the emotion, suppress it, ignore it, maybe even medicate it.
In other words, to impose your point of view on how things should be.
But what if you encountered anxiety on your level?
What if you approach the emotion with curiosity, genuinely interested in what makes it tick?
Then you can find a way to change it however you want.
When I use hypnosis for things like anxiety, I could theoretically overcome anxiety by sheer power. You could use the trance to erase the emotion from your mind.
But that’s me fighting a powerful primal instinct, one that has something to say.
That’s a lot more work for a much worse result.
Instead, I invite my clients to engage with anxiety. Treat him like a person in pain who needs your help. I find anxiety on your level and your reality.
From there, hypnosis gives you the power to change it.