My husband makes me feel invisible
My husband makes me feel invisible. Does it sound familiar to you? Feeling unimportant or insignificant in a marriage is more common than you think.
I felt that way before. So it instantly saddens me and my heart aches every time I hear this or similar comments from the women I train. When someone as important as our spouse ignores us or makes derogatory comments, it can lead us to feel insignificant, unworthy, or invisible. If you are having trouble with this problem, this article may help you.
Between my teens and 30s, my value as a person was based primarily on external factors. If a boy told me I was pretty, that meant I was pretty. If he laughed with me and we had fun together, that meant it was fun to be with me. If he asked me out on a date, that meant it was worth his time. In my first marriage, my husband had Playboy magazines. In my mind, that meant that my body was not beautiful and I was not enough. If he didn’t call me during the day, then I wasn’t important to him. If he was in a bad mood, it must have been something I did or didn’t do and it was my job to make him feel better.
Do you see the pattern? I only felt good about myself if someone else told me I was valuable. What I felt about myself was a direct result of my partner’s state of mind or the attention he gave me or denied me. When I finally made the decision to stop living my life in such a painful and confusing way, I learned something very interesting:
The way people treat us is a reflection of the way we treat ourselves.
If your husband’s behavior makes you feel insignificant, invisible, or rejected, take a close look at how he treats himself and what he believes about himself. Do you treat yourself like you are insignificant? How often do you put yourself first?
Right now, I know some of you are rolling your eyes and saying to yourself “Oh, it would be selfish for me to put myself first! I couldn’t do that!” Or some of you might think that your spouse is just a callous jerk. He can be an idiot (which is a topic for another article) And you are free to ignore what I am sharing with you. But I guess the approach you have tried so far is not working. It may be worth taking your time to try something different.
If you want to ease the pain of feeling slighted, stop letting your behaviors dictate how you feel about yourself. To do this, you must increase the potency to love your own fabulous self! For the next 30 days, I challenge you to do two or three things every day to show acceptance and love for yourself. There are many ways to do this. For example, saying affirmations several times a day, writing in a journal, taking a bubble bath, exercising, doing yoga, walking in nature, eating healthy foods, etc.
Why is it so important to treat yourself with love and acceptance? Because, when YOU truly believe that you are important, worthy and valuable, you WILL NOT NEED anyone else to validate your existence or confirm your importance. I’m not saying stop wanting to be recognized and appreciated. You may still feel sad or even angry when your husband ignores you, but the more you practice self-love and acceptance, the faster you can detach yourself and deal with the situation effectively.
When you act like you appreciate and value yourself, it will bring about a change in all your relationships, especially your marriage. Your spouse may notice a difference in you and become caring and interested again. Or you could misbehave in an effort to get you back to how you were. Your marriage could get stronger or finally admit to yourself that you knew it was over a long time ago. You have to decide how you want to live the rest of your life. Are you willing to settle for the status quo or do something to facilitate a change in your relationship?
Keep in mind that changing the way you relate to yourself and your husband can be a daunting undertaking. I encourage you to put a support person or team in place to help you get through the first few weeks. A close friend, support group, counselor, or coach can encourage you, help you strategize, and keep you focused on your desired outcome.
I’d like to leave you with this final thought … If you feel invisible or insignificant to someone, you have given that person the ability to control their feelings and how they live life. You can continue to give up your power to that person or you can find ways to regain your power and take care of yourself.