let go for real
Something happens in your life that hurts or angers you so much that it becomes a part of who you are. It stays with you, lurking in the darkness of your brain, waiting for the right moment to appear and bring back the whole set of feelings. Then you go through the scene like a detective looking for evidence to prove your guilt, their guilt, the guilt of life. Because someone is guilty and you won’t let them go.
Many human beings spend years suffering from the stories of their past; stories in which they are victims or stories in which they blame themselves. Those stories become faithful old movies to revisit in moments of pain, to scrutinize scene by scene wondering, what if something different had happened? “What if I had reacted differently? What if I had said/done something else? What if I had somehow known about and prevented this? What if others had behaved differently?” Over and over again, going over every possible scenario, though NOW impossible, pondering, pondering, thinking.
Sometimes, that movie made of memories occupies so much of a person’s time that they forget to live in the now, the here, the present, so immersed is they in their past. And sometimes, too, those stories extend their tentacles into the present, invading him with beliefs rooted in the movie of his guilt or pain. These beliefs then paralyze or limit the human being of today, not allowing him the freedom to choose and act because the past is too heavy on his mind.
Sometimes, still, those old and worn films are kept secret, locked inside the person, to prevent their poison and their power from infecting others. Day after day, those movies sit heavy and dominant in the person’s heart, weighing them down. Despite which, they still can’t let go. Because someone is guilty and has to pay. Letting go of the movie would feel like a betrayal and could leave behind a sense of emptiness and purposelessness. After all, the memories have been there for a long time.
And so, life goes on, unhappy, hard, heavy.
The only way a person can start flowing and flying is by letting go of their charges because they are what really keep them grounded. Unfortunately, it’s usually not as easy as simply deciding to let go. Most of us are strongly attached to our past, and letting go requires more than just deciding to do so.
“Forgive and forget,” they tell us. Yes, but how? How can one really do that?
Forgiving OTHERS and OURSELVES in the three levels of forgiveness.
The first level of forgiveness is the one we grant on an intellectual level. We think about the situation and DECIDE to forgive because it makes sense. This level of forgiveness is often enough for simple issues and superficial confrontations. We rationalize the conflict and mentally choose to let it go. It is also the most commonly taught of all forgiveness methods, as cultures around the world demand it of their children from a very early age: “say you’re sorry.” “Accept the apology.”
The second level of forgiveness is that which is given from the heart. We WANT to forgive because we feel for the other person. This type of forgiveness requires a certain level of analysis. The forgiver needs to forgive mentally first and then decide to also forgive for sentimental reasons. Sentimental forgiveness requires putting the other person before action, considering the first person more important or valuable than what she did. We see this type of forgiveness in situations between family members, couples, or friends.
The third level of forgiveness is when the feeling is gone and the original story can be remembered without the pain, guilt, anger, or any other negative feelings that it now triggers. This is, of course, the most difficult level of all because no one taught us to forgive like this until today and because it requires completing the other two before this one can happen. The good news is that, like everything in life, you can also learn. We learn to transform the story into a life lesson and to release our bottled up feelings.
Many scientific studies have been working on the idea of something called “cellular memory” for years. The concept refers to the possibility that our DNA stores part of our memories even after our brain forgets them. The third level of forgiveness refers to something similar. We can forgive mentally and even sentimentally, but there may be certain stories that still come back to haunt us and make us relive the feelings that originally caused us. The moment when our pain, guilt or sadness was first created, from time to time it returns to us and fills our hearts with those dreaded emotions. We might think that we had already forgiven. But the memory endures as reminiscence in our DNA. It is in such cases that absolute forgiveness is needed to completely remove the remembered feelings from us.
The whole process requires:
- identifying the original sentiment. If you want to let go of a feeling, you must first correctly identify it. What are you really feeling and who is the target of those feelings? Do you feel anger, pain, guilt, shame, remorse? Is your first feeling masking deeper ones?
- questioning it What does the feeling mean to you? What would you say to the person, if you had them right in front of you? Who would you be without that feeling? What would your life be like?
- understanding his role to this day. What gives you the feeling, power, energy, a motive, an excuse? Why have you kept it burning for so long?
- deciding to let it go. Once you answer the questions above, you may decide it’s time to let go. At this stage, you must make a conscious, real decision. It’s not enough to think that you want to let it go, but that you DO let it go.
- accepting the lesson it gives you. To let it go, then you have to ask yourself what the original event and all these years of pain taught you. Accept the lesson it meant to teach and,
- finally set it free. He played his part and taught his lesson. Inhale deeply and exhale as you let go.
Absolute Forgiveness is a process created by me as part of the humanological discipline to explain and understand the human being. Unless we can truly leave our burdens behind, it will be almost impossible for us to continue to grow or grow as much as we really can. Working with a humanologist, the process includes all the specific step-by-step tools and techniques to complete it. Once you do it with a professional first, then you can always do it on your own and let go of everything that is a burden in your life.
I hope that this little explanation about forgiveness helps you understand that the nightmare you are living can finally disappear from your life and encourages you to go for it. Unless, of course, you want to carry on carrying the load and living as you have been doing all these years. As usual, the choice is entirely yours.
Enjoy life… EVERYTHING,