Is romance dead? One Man’s Guide to Valentine’s Day

As we come to another holiday that honors romance, one has to wonder if romance really is dead. The holiday has gotten so commercial that you’d think all you need to do is buy a card, some chocolates, and maybe a nice dinner.

According to the commercials on TV, if you really want to make your lover’s knees weak and guarantee his love, just buy him some jewelry. Something with diamonds should do the trick.

But how romantic is it to take out the credit card? Can’t we as men be a little more creative? Worse still, a recent press release from the creators of the Romantic Valentine’s Day cards says that more than 80% of them are bought by women. Doesn’t that say how unromantic men are when we can’t even be bothered to buy a simple card expressing our love to the most important person in our lives?

The problem can largely be attributed to how the sexes view romance differently. Ask a man about romance and one of the best answers will be about sex, having sex, having hot sex, etc., etc., etc.

Women, on the other hand, see sex as the icing on the cake, but certainly not the whole cake.

Few men understand that, so they end up doing what the ads in magazines and on TV tell them to do. Buy candy or jewelry. Worse, maybe even sexy lingerie.

So what’s a 21st century man to do with these differences? Can men crack the mysterious code to the meaning of female romance?

The answer is yes, we can. The truth is that women are always giving us clues about what makes them happy. Most of the time men are too involved in our own world to notice.

Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to pull our collective heads out of the mud and dazzle the women in our lives. The good news is that, on average, women are so used to men not being romantic that even if a man tries, he could make this the most memorable Valentine’s Day they’ve ever had together.

So, as they say, let’s get down to business. What should a man do to make his lover fall in love with him?

Start by finding a quiet corner, and use your head as more than just something to hold your ears. Think about how you feel when the two of you are together. Think of all the things that special person has done for you, with you. All the good times you’ve had together. The future you are planning together.

Even think about the bad times when it seemed like he was the only one in the whole world who was on your side or really understood you. Think about who helps you when you are sad or sick.

If you’re starting to smile a little, maybe even get a little lump in your throat, you’re probably one of the lucky ones with a really special relationship.

And now that? I apologize for this oversimplification, but on the whole, men are results oriented and women tend to appreciate the process more. Please think before you e-mail me a nasty note.

Men want to make dinner, flowers and be done. To use a sports analogy, what a guy should do is get a bunch of base hits instead of relying on one big home run.

So here are the suggestions. Valentine’s Day this year is on a Saturday. This makes it a perfect day.

• Start with a single red rose on the bed and a short note trying to express a little about how you feel about her.
• Plan the day to be special for her.
• Try to think of activities that he likes to do together with you. It doesn’t matter if you enjoy it or not, it’s about her. It could be biking, rollerblading, walking, or even going to the flea market.
• Let her know you have a special dinner plan, but don’t tell her. Let her know it’s going to be something special and let the anticipation build.
• If you enjoy it, maybe a massage and some time at a hair and nail salon. Be careful when planning this. It’s a very individual thing that you may not like and may want to skip.
• Take her to a special place. One idea is to recreate your first date. The place, the food.
• If the first date wasn’t that great, you could start there and then tell her that you’d like to take her somewhere more special because she’s such an important part of your life. Dinner and theater or a movie, maybe dancing. Just make sure it’s something he likes.
• Think about ending up in a nice hotel. Plan ahead and have rose petals on the floor and bed. If you are married, take her across the threshold again. The best thing about a hotel room is that neither of you has to clean it in the morning. You can have a long and luxurious breakfast in bed.
• Most importantly, don’t expect sex. If it happens great, but at least spend a lot of time cuddling and talking. If you have sex, do it for her, pleasuring her in every way you can.

If you are lucky, very lucky, you just might realize how important this woman is in your life and bring a little Valentine every day from now on.