Father’s Wounds: Can a man put other men on a pedestal if he had an emotionally incapacitated father?

When it comes to the men in a man’s life, some of these could be seen as simply other human beings, while others could be seen as much more. As a result of this, you will not see all the men in your life in the same way.

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However, this does not mean that it is something that you have consciously thought about or that you have investigated why it is so. If you’ve delved into this, you might have thought about what you like about men that you see as different.

A closer look

In general, these men could be older than him and could have achieved some level of success. However, if they are not very successful, there could be at least one area of ​​their life that is going well.

Now, regardless of what is happening to these men, you will have raised them to a high level; a level that is out of reach. Then he will be a man, like them, but it will be seen that they have something that he himself does not have.

The halo effect

By perceiving these men in this way, it may not matter if they do or say something that is “negative” or destructive, as it could be overlooked or discarded. Ultimately, your opinion of them will not be altered.

If another man were to meet these men and meet them, he might have a radically different impression of them. This is not to say that he would not like them and leave them, it is just that he would not necessarily elevate them to such a high position.

A big difference

When it comes to your own life, you may have accomplished a lot, but no matter what you have accomplished, you might believe that you are not on the same level as these men. Regardless of what you do, then, it won’t allow you to really level up, so to speak.

These men will be on one level and he will be on another level. So, since he has placed them in such a high position, it is to be expected that he believes that it is not possible for him to reach their level or do the things that they do.

A lifestyle

If you were able to step back and reflect on how long you have seen certain men this way, you may find that it has been that way for as long as you can remember. Therefore, since this has been going on for so long, it is not a surprise that you have not questioned what is happening or investigated deeply.

If this has been the norm for many, many years, it likely shows that your early years were not very enriching. This was likely a time when you missed the ‘ingredients’ you needed to grow and develop in the right way.

Emotionally stuck

This means that your physical body and even your intellect will have grown over the years, but your emotional body / self will have remained in an undeveloped state. Being in an emotionally underdeveloped state, you will unknowingly view certain men as father figures.

Another way of looking at this would be to say that he will participate in the transference, whereby he will unconsciously project the father he needed as a child onto certain men. Consequently, when you are around these men, and even if you have them in your life, it will be easier for you to keep your true feelings at bay and to feel things that you would not normally feel.

Out of balance

With this in mind, if deep down you didn’t feel helpless, powerless or unsupported, for example, it would allow you to see these men in a more balanced way. This would take away the need to put them on a pedestal, preventing you from believing that certain things are out of reach.

The key will be for him to change his inner world, as this will allow him to develop a stronger connection with his masculine element. This internal change will lead to an external change and the ability to see all men as human beings instead of seeing certain men as possessors of something that he himself does not have.

Back in time

When it comes to why you missed out on the essential ingredients you needed as a child, there’s a chance your dad wasn’t emotionally handicapped. By not actually being there, he would not have provided the support, affirmation, and guidance that he needed.

His father may have been seen as an enigma, someone who was there and yet could not really be located. What happened would not have been his fault, but since he was self-centered at this age, it would have been taken as a sign that there was something inherently wrong with him and that it was not enough.

Conscience

Furthermore, the care he received from his mother may also have been inadequate. Not receiving proper care from her would have prevented him from having an emotional delivery and thus gradually developing a strong core.

If a man can relate to this and is ready to change his life, he may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.