Coffee Break – an excerpt from Journey into the Surreal

Let’s see, I’ve been awake for 23.2 minutes. I’ve done the ‘little private reading room’ thing. The clothes or something resembling clothes are on. A big yawn and stretch. Man, all that exercise exhausted me. I need coffee!! Now where is that damn machine? Oh I know, oh! No, that’s the door. Am I missing something Hmmmm. Oh my glasses. That should help a bit.

I went to the kitchen, found the pitcher and started to fill it with water. Damn, it’s cracked! After about an hour of searching, I found the glue, right where I knew it would be. I spilled some glue on the crack. Thank goodness there is a mini store next door. I decided to go have a cup of coffee there while I waited for the glue to dry.

Now that’s better. The world is coming into focus and the pounding in my head is no longer the jackhammer it was. I happily jumped all the way back home. (yes, I skipped). That was my second mistake of the day. Coffee tends to bounce out of the cup when the cup holder acts as a Tigger. I sipped the grounds from the bottom.

Back in the kitchen, I grabbed the glue-smeared pitcher and poured water into it. He stayed!!! Thanks to the coffee I managed to save from my foray next door, I can now see with one eye and it’s less blurry with the other.

Now where did I put that stupid machine? Oh yeah, it’s in a box in the garage.

Gently, I opened the garage door. Didn’t budget. A strong tug finally moved it a fraction of an inch. I headed back inside the house to find the aspirin and heating pad. After throwing away the aspirin, I plugged in the heating pad. I headed next door for another cup of Colombian beer as the wonderful flow of electricity heated the little piece of cloth I connected. I walked back home (learned my lesson about jumping with coffee).

Sitting in my most comfortable (and only) chair, I let the warmth flow through my shoulder. I also reflect on why that door didn’t open, but instead allowed me to break my arm. Half an hour of heat and I feel something similar to the human. I go back to the garage.

I think I’ll try something different. I turned the doorknob. The door opens easily. Warning: never attempt complicated operations like opening garage doors after just a few sips of coffee. Garage doors know you’re not ready and put up a fight.

It took me a while, but I found the box. Gently, I open it and pull the machine out of his cubicle. Hidden under my arm, I play quarterback and run into the house. I don’t play sports, do quarterbacks run? Oh well, this is my story, so do it.

Putting the machine on the counter, I plug it in. Water is poured and after I get everything out of the cupboards I find the coffee on the table where I left it. With a smirk, I press the power button.

Crackle! Nap! I pull the plug and turn on the ceiling fan to get rid of the smoke. Putting on my shoes, I head next door, grab the short-circuiting beast, and calmly toss it into the dumpster. This time they gave me a giant cup of coffee!

Back at the house, I wander down to the basement. Locating the fuse box, I try to figure out which one blew. With the basement light on, he started unscrewing them one by one.

No, that’s not all. I head upstairs and only bump into a couple of walls. The kitchen light is still off. Of course it is. The first fuse I unscrewed was the one for the basement lights. At least I know where the flashlight is. I’m getting better; It only took me forty-five minutes to find something that was right in front of me. I’m heading down.

I replace the fuse for the base lights and try again. I found it. I go back upstairs and turn on the television. Enough adventure for one day. I add one more thing to the shopping list.

INSTANT COFFEE