Are Single Black Women Too Independent?

Too sure of himself, too eager to express his opinion (and say your own), too unwilling to listen and be submissive? Are today’s black women even capable of ‘following’ a strong black man? For all my single brothers who have asked me these questions many times, this article is for you.

First, let’s address the first question: Are single black women too independent? My answer to this might surprise you: I think in many ways black women are too independent, but for good reason. To understand this dichotomy, you have to understand something about most single black women. Most single black women have a history of supporting themselves, holding a job (or two), possibly raising children, attending school, taking care of household bills (probably with a home of their own), and helping out with other family responsibilities involving parents. , grandparents and siblings.

In many cases they have handled these responsibilities without strong or consistent male influence in their lives. Due to miscommunication, death, neglect, or abuse, many father-daughter, sister-brother, boyfriend-girlfriend relationships have gone astray, often leaving women to form a support network with each other to make things, put their lives in order and accomplish those tasks that were once more evenly divided between the two genders.

This has caused an epidemic of spells in the single black community. Black women learned that they had to trust themselves to get things done, and they began to do so with increasing success. As a result of this, black women learned that they didn’t really ‘need’ black men in the way they thought: for companionship, leadership, or money and support. They learned how to work and earn money for themselves, raise their children single-handedly, pay their bills, and get their own education, but these lessons came at a cost. And that cost was the sacrifice of a healthy relationship with their future spouses, boyfriends, or lovers. So yes, black women are sometimes too independent, but only because they had to be. To survive, for their children to survive, and for their lives to function.

So are single black women too self-assured, too eager to express their opinions, unwilling to listen or be submissive? Once again, the answer is: sometimes yes, sometimes no. Sometimes yes, because single black women tend to be pretty confident, pretty sure of themselves, and pretty sure of who they are, especially once they’ve reached a certain age. And sometimes yes, because I have seen a sister ‘argue’ with a brother for no reason, just to establish dominance over her or control over her. And I’ve known many good men who were being ‘persecuted’ by her woman because she didn’t stand up to her. But sometimes not, because most single black women just hope to meet a man strong enough to deal with them fully. A man who can admire her strength as she adds her own. A man who is not intimidated by a woman who has an opinion as valid as his. And this single black woman can and will listen to this man because he values ​​her and listens to her.

But it has to be a relationship of equals. Equal respect, equal power and equal voice. Because black women are usually so strong, they can often hinder the development and growth of a good relationship. Just as no man wants someone to tell him how to live his life, neither do most women. Strength plus strength should be a potent combination, but too often women’s strength and men’s strength becomes a power struggle and then a wedge that drives them apart.

And finally, are single black women capable of ‘following’ a good man? Of course, as long as your definitions of ‘follow’ are the same. ‘Follow’ does not mean ‘blindly obey in the absence of all common sense’. To ‘follow’ means to follow her husband as the church ‘follows’ Christ (Note: I say ‘husband’ and not ‘boyfriends’; these same rights do not apply to boyfriend-girlfriend relationships). The true marriage between a man and a woman must reflect the love that Christ has for the church. In the Bible, the woman is asked to respect and submit to her husband, but the husband is asked to lay down his life for his wife. Most men and women, husbands and wives, don’t have that kind of relationship. Most relationships are a reflection of ‘what’s in it for me?’ and when that dries up, the relationship dries up too. A successful relationship can occur between a single black man and a single black woman when true respect and love is based on a committed relationship that leads to marriage.

So are single black women too independent? Sometimes yes and sometimes no, but relationships between black men and women can still work. With a little compromise on both sides, a clear understanding of what a godly relationship is based on the Bible, and with a love that outlasts who has the last word, independence can become interdependence (being independent but dependent on the other). each other and God). ) and the overly independent black woman will no longer exist!