The importance of father-daughter relationships
In today’s busy world, parents find very little time to be involved in the upbringing and development of their children. “Fathers bring a unique presence, a special force to parenting,” says clinical psychologist Ray Guarendia, in his book “Back to the Family.”
How true this is in raising daughters! Just as there is a special bond between mothers and sons, the relationship between fathers and daughters is unique. Therefore, fathers cannot afford to remain remote characters in their daughters’ lives. Parenting is a joint venture, with fathers as active participants as mothers.
There are several reasons why parental involvement becomes limited.
o Ambitious and overworked dads put their work before the well-being of their families. They come home too tired to spend quality time with their children. Children are often asleep when they return and leave for school before their parents wake up.
o Absent parents: Those with itinerant jobs such as airline pilots, sales representatives, businessmen, or long-distance truck drivers may be away from home frequently, sometimes for extended periods.
o Divorced dads with limited visitation rights are also unable to spend enough time with their children.
o False notions that girls should be raised exclusively by mothers or women in the home cause men to distance themselves from their daughters. They are uncomfortable showing affection, so they miss out on what little intimacy they could share with their daughters.
The word “dad” is universal. It evokes qualities of responsibility, protection, love and discipline. Being a father can be a rewarding job, and a man who abdicates responsibility for it is not up to the role God has given him. John Rosemond, a family counselor, wrote in one of his articles that a father must not only be present, but must be “actively involved” and “vigorously interested” in the child-rearing process.
Jawaharlal Nehru, India’s first Prime Minister, spent long periods in prison during India’s struggle for independence. He deeply regretted the separation from her beloved daughter Indira, but kept in touch with her through letters, which were later compiled into a book “Glimpses of World History”. These letters express her deep love for her and the ease with which he expressed it.
“Priyadarshini, beloved in my sight but even dearer to my heart…”
“I think of the day when the three of us will meet again, and the idea brightens and makes my heart happy.”
Despite being absent, it awoke in her an interest in Universal History, Science and Politics, which contributed in no small measure to shaping her character.
Or who can forget dad William Jackson Smart, who raised six children single-handedly in rural Washington, and his daughter, Mrs. Dodd, who fought for Father’s Day, as a dedication to dads like him.
To be a good father, one must be aware of some essential requirements.
or show love. No father should feel ashamed to show affection to his daughter. A caress, a hug, a special smile and three little words “I love you” are tangible ways of communicating love. She learns to reciprocate that love. This is her first male-female relationship with her father, and it will influence her behavior with her husband in the future. The first reflection of herself as a woman comes from her father. How does she look at her? Does he accept her without reservation? Or does he treat her as inferior to her brother? When he shows respect, she feels that she is worthwhile as an individual. When he ignores her or is overly critical, she begins to feel worthless.
o Show love and respect to their mother. A good and loving relationship between parents is the foundation for your evolution into a happy and well-balanced child. It gives you a sense of security and a good opinion about the marriage.
o Shared Activities: A good father will show interest in his daughter’s activities. He will make her feel good about her abilities and accomplishments. He will find something to praise. A father must be the cheerleader for her daughter. Doing things together like reading, walking, playing games is time well spent. She will also learn to see things through her eyes as she guides him through her wonderland. Time is a very precious gift.
o Communication: Listening and paying attention to what a daughter says is a way of showing love. What may seem silly to an adult can be annoying to a child. She should be encouraged to talk about her school problems, peer pressure, studies, or any other conflict situations. A good father will help her find solutions to her problems. He will teach not to blame. She will be free to express her opinions and will be open to advice.
o Respect: A girl should be considered as a person and not as a possession. She must respect her right to privacy and her room to grow.
o Honesty: Being honest with your child will make a parent trustworthy in your estimation. His questions must be answered sensibly. He must be taught to distinguish between right and wrong, honesty and dishonesty. He should not be forced to do what he does not want by offering inducements, threats, or emotional blackmail.
o Discipline: “Discipline is one of the most loving and lasting gifts a parent can give their child,” says Gaurendi. It must be consistent, fair and managed with love. In bringing up a child in the way that he should follow, the parent must ensure that he himself follows that path. The task of being parents is overwhelming. It is exciting to see men who take family responsibility seriously and who are caring and compassionate. The way a parent speaks, the words he uses, the tone of his voice can be encouraging or discouraging. The trustworthiness and integrity he learns from his father will prepare her for “the school of hard knocks” that he must go through on his journey to adulthood.
The relationship between father and daughter reaches a very delicate stage when she is in her teens. This period must be negotiated tactfully and efficiently. She must be sure that he values her as an intelligent and independent person. Being aware of her daughter’s sexuality makes many parents uncomfortable. She suddenly feels demoted on her priority list. Until now, he was the center of her universe. Now his eyes begin to wander and focus on other boys. He wants to dress differently and behave differently. Some parents cannot handle these changes well. They may react by being overprotective or arrogant.
o Overprotective: In a society that does not value modesty or sexual purity, the father is afraid that his precious daughter will get lost. He feels that it is her duty to set rules about dating and who she will go out with, how she will dress or what company she will have. This ‘paternal neurosis’ is not welcome. The girl feels restricted. On the one hand, she can make her feel insecure, as if she is unable to take care of herself. On the other hand, she might want to escape this ‘mother’s love’ before it stunts her emotional growth.
o Arrogant: Daughters tend to rebel against dictatorial parents. When rigid rules are imposed that she considers unnecessary, when he restricts her activities, she may begin to fear or hate him. There is a clear inclination to rebel. A father must be sensitive to his daughter’s growing needs and make appropriate compromises. He must negotiate fairly, allowing him to gain confidence and pride in her choices. But he must also convince her that choices have consequences.
A daughter regards her father as an indicator by which she will estimate the worth of other men. If he is well behaved, trustworthy, honest and caring, she will look for those qualities in other men. He must also be a praying father, since he reflects the unconditional love of God our father. Child psychologist Phyllis Bronstein says that while a mother teaches nurturing and nurturing, a father teaches physical competence, assertiveness, and adventurism. Children with good parents get along with other people and are successful. While those who are abandoned by their parents show lower IQ, poor performance in school, and delinquency.
When fathers are abusive, short-tempered, irresponsible, or alcoholic, this also has an adverse impact on daughters. They look for similar traits in husbands or lovers. Regardless of the damage it does to them physically, psychologically and emotionally, this ‘hunger for a father’ compels them to seek out these men, hoping that eventually things will change. One parent said: “If I screw up, she will spend the rest of her life with a ‘goof up.’ I don’t want that to happen.”
Too much cuddles from Molly is unhealthy and can lead to a ‘father fixation’. This type of improper parenting can be the cause of the Electra Complex, a psychological term for a girl’s romantic feelings toward her father and anger toward her mother. Carl Jung called it the “female Oedipus attitude”. This could even lead to an incestuous relationship between father and daughter.
An anonymous poet has this advice for parents:
“Take stock of yourself and consider your child,
Your time and your thoughts are theirs;
Because how would you answer the Lord if he asked you
What kind of father were you?