Teen Alcoholism and Drug Abuse: The Baby Crisis Trust Fund
Are you killing your son with kindness? If you are parents who are facilitators who have established a trust fund for their child, think twice before your action. As a psychiatrist who specializes in addictions, I am very exposed to the “trust fund baby crisis.” In other words, I treat young people who finance their drug and alcohol use with the money YOU are giving them. Trust funds perpetuate alcoholism and drug abuse among teens.
Trust funds are a form of “empowerment.” They often prevent a teenager from becoming a self-reliant and independent young adult. Families establish trust funds because they want to make things “easier” for their children compared to how they grew up. BIG MISTAKE!
Trust funds are the fastest way to lead your teenager toward dependency and laziness. Trust funds are devastating and often sow the seeds for addiction. Addiction combined with a lot of money can be deadly. Trust funds disable your teen by interfering with 4 key life lessons:
1. We grow by facing challenges that we are not sure we can face. By pushing our limits and succeeding, we develop confidence and skills, whether it is academic success, athletic success, or social success.
2. We learn to value money “with sweat and work.” If money is given and not earned, it is not “valued.”
3. By “making a living” we learn about delayed gratification. We wait for a paycheck, we budget our expenses so we can make a purchase, and we learn to save. We learn to “put off” immediate pleasure.
4. Earning money gives us a sense of satisfaction. It is an external validation of something positive that we have achieved on our own. We learn to understand that if we work hard, we will be rewarded for our perseverance, focus, and dedication.
Creating a trust fund for your teenager literally takes away the right to stand on his own two feet. Here is a case from my practice:
TS is a 26 year old boy whose parents sent him to me for heavy drinking. He had a history of alcoholism as a teenager and never finished high school. His grandparents left him an inheritance. He has never worked, has never been successful in school, and has been drinking since he was 13 years old. Unfortunately, the only skill he has developed is drinking alcohol. He has failed 2 treatment programs because after being discharged, he always returns to live in his apartment (paid for with inheritance) where he eventually relapses after he gets bored doing nothing. You have enough money to pay for an apartment. Spend a lot of money on alcohol.
TJ has no idea how to get a job. He has no skills and has never learned to “buckle up.” He has very low self-esteem and is easily frustrated. He also has no interest in the world of work. He says he doesn’t want to be under anyone’s control (i.e. a boss), but he is under the control of alcohol.
Your parents are expecting you to run out of money (which will be soon), so you will be open to the help you need to be successful in sobriety. Had he not had his inheritance, he would have had to finish school, get a job, and probably would have cooperated with the treatment of alcoholism. His inheritance has made it almost impossible for him to recover. Their situation is very similar to that of the trust fund junkies I deal with. Most of them don’t work, don’t go to school (or take very few classes), spend money on drugs and alcohol, and live in beautiful places paid for by their trust fund. They are essentially rewarded for their addiction!
A trust fund baby or “trust fund junkie” has never been pushed into school where discipline skills begin. Are you guilty of making excuses for your teenager such as: “he had such a hard time when we got divorced” or “he had attention deficit disorder and school was too hard for him” or “his father was an alcoholic”? Expect more from your teenager and you will get more.
Parents; Don’t be facilitators! Trust funds, most of the time, are harmful. Set expectations for your teen or young adult that they have to work or do well in school. If necessary, get tutors. If ADD is present, get it treated. Get legal advice on how to control your trust fund money if you have been involved with alcoholism or drug abuse as a teenager. Addiction problems that start early often continue into adulthood.
Don’t raise a trust fund baby! Don’t finance or perpetuate your teen’s addiction. Support your child to become independent and successful. After all, that’s our job as parents.