Sometimes we say or do things based on the emotion of the moment. This can be especially true when we feel that our marriage or our spouse is changing in an unwanted way. Sometimes we take this so far that we ask or tell our spouse to leave. And we might be surprised and disappointed when they actually do. But it’s when things settle down that reality hits us, and serious regret ensues. We realize that we want him to come back when he just did what we asked him to do, which is to leave.
Someone might recall this scenario: “My husband and I have been arguing about money for the last seven months. We’ve had problems before, but our fights have reached a whole new level. My husband invested more money than we could repay.” I was angry when I found out. When we discussed it, I asked if there was anything else I needed to know. I told him that he too could bring bad things to light. I told him that I would rather find out everything at once than find out later. He told me that I knew everything and that there was nothing more to tell. Well, last week we received a statement in the mail. I don’t normally open financial accounts. documents. I usually leave it to my husband. But something told me I had to. I did it like that. And I found out there were other accounts I didn’t know about and we’re in a lot more financial trouble than I thought. So when my husband got home, I let him have it. I called him a liar. He said that’s exactly why he didn’t do it. Don’t tell me, because he knew he would overreact. He was so angry that I told him to take his things and leave. He tried to reason with me, but I wouldn’t calm down, so he finally left. Now I’ve been without my husband for almost a week and I’ve calmed down. I’m still angry. Very angry. But I realize I’d rather work with him to get us out of this mess than end my marriage. But now I don’t know what to do. I’m the one who asked him to leave in the first place. I don’t want to sound stupid saying that I suddenly changed my mind. And he could be so angry that I asked him to leave that he can refuse to come home.”
It’s normal to worry about how you’ll be perceived in a situation like this. When my husband and I parted ways, I was too scared to admit what I was really feeling. I didn’t want to appear desperate and I didn’t want to be in a situation where my feelings would drive my husband away. Also, it sounds so silly now, but I hated the idea of loving or missing my husband more than he loved or missed me. This is nonsense because I made my pride more important than getting my marriage back on track, which should have been the real goal.
However, receiving a negative response from your husband is a real concern. And I think there is a way to approach this issue without so much risk. The next time you talk to your husband, you might try a conversation like this: “I’ve been thinking a lot about the past week. I’m so sorry. I had a right to be so angry. You don’t like being cheated on. I still overreacted. I wish I had never asked you to leave. I have no idea what your feelings might be on that, but I’d be willing to try and keep the future together rather than scatter at the first sign of trouble. I know We have a difficult road ahead of us, but I suspect it would be easier together than apart.
Then listen to what your husband has to say. She can well tell that he feels the same way and that he is relieved. Now she can tell that he is still processing things and that he needs time. And that’s fine. The real goal is to let him know that you’re aware that you overreacted and lay the groundwork for positive communication moving forward. She may not move back in right away, but even if she doesn’t, it gives you time to talk things over and define and understand the issues.
Sometimes people are so eager for your return that they rush things. They don’t talk about the problems and then pretty soon they’re fighting again and coming home isn’t so happy after all because you’re dealing with a repeat of what happened before. It’s best to take your time as you communicate regularly and work toward a resolution. That way, your return home will be much more harmonious.