Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation. It seeks to sow the seeds of doubt in the target individual. The purpose of the gas lighter is to make the victim question their own perception, memory, and sanity.
Befriending you and getting information from your friends and relatives are ways the abuser gets information about how to undermine your mental health. If you have a minor psychic problem, it will be very exaggerated and much discussed.
Dominate or destroy is the basic premise of gaslighting. Usually early childhood problems develop in the aggressor’s unbalanced mind. Anger and jealousy are often at the root of the situation.
This is not a one-time or temporary situation. It often continues indefinitely until a crisis sheds light on the situation. Cover-up is a hallmark of this form of mental and emotional abuse. Isolation and emotional manipulation are also common tactics.
My sister has been undermining my life, my role in our family, and my spirit for decades. I’m not surprised their abuse has escalated beyond vicious gossip and backbiting. As he gained recruits for his discount me cause, his sense of power increased. He needed to use that power as often and fully as he could.
I avoided meeting anyone in his world. It is not known how many versions of falsehoods have been repeated. His efforts to convince everyone that I am delusional and that my mother has total dementia were constant.
There is a term called “double doc”. If two doctors consider that a person has dementia, a third (my older sister) could request care. The plan was to put my mother in a care facility against her will and end her. His life was blocking the use of the family land.
I lived in fear and joined her. As soon as I arrived and locked his residence at the Lexington Place nursing home, I became the target. Immediately my state of mind and the way I behaved were questioned.
We both feared the end. When Mom passed away, I became an open target. The police were at my door with an eviction notice within days of his memorial. A judge gave me and 10 rescued elderly animals five days to evict.
Friends or dogs chimed in and I had no choice but to plan an extended camping trip on the lake. I literally trembled with fear. Gabapentin kept alcohol cravings at bay, but it got risky. After delivering Mom’s eulogy, I began to shut down emotionally.
After the judge spoke, I simply walked out of the courtroom. They called me through the court costs, but I barely had gas to get home. I got to our little trailer in the middle of the Piney Woods and collapsed. I needed to cry for my mother.
Soon more cops. I walked out with my new Texas license in hand. I shook hands with both officers and apologized. I told them that my sister Cindy was using them to harass me. Clearly, they expected to find me in an altered state. I told the paramedics who joined them that I was willing to do any tests. There’s no need.
My sister is not finished. His anger runs through his soul. It has become soggy and festering over the years since it started around high school age. Shaking up my mental health and my emotional stability is the goal. Constantly reminding others of my weakness, perceived or real, keeps destructive energy alive.
No victim has to stay on paper. I was surprised to defend my mental state on multiple occasions but no one detected a serious flaw. Depression / anxiety problems are now a constant. One of 10 mg. Lexapro has now turned into 8 medications per day since I came to live near my family.
Gaslighting is a serious abuse. Deals more damage than is visible. When a person’s core is attacked, survival instincts come into play. I no longer feel safe being alone in the room with my sister. He has often suggested that I may be violent. She stabbed herself, dropped the knife, and said I did it. It’s that advanced in my case.
“Stop sharing what’s happening on ‘social media’ or you’ll get hurt,” he growled. Her husband chimed in: “And she will too.” I told him that I did not know that our people were physically threatening each other. My advanced degenerative disc disease quickly reminded me how vulnerable I am to injury.
My situation went too far. I couldn’t get away from my mother’s side and it was unbearable to bear it. Seeing my mother vanish after burying my little sister caused a total collapse. I had to be hospitalized. It was necessary.
I saw how a person could take my sensitive heart and caring nature and use it to try to crush me. I knew I would stay and take care of Mom, but I wanted the credit of being the loving daughter. When I introduced myself and found her living in the dirt, I almost called adult services.
Cleaning up that whole place was what was needed, but with my sister’s constant attacks, it was never peaceful for any length of time. We did what we could and extended his life for a few years rescuing abused animals. That part of this journey sustained us both.
Today, I find out that it was announced through the elders of my family that I am delusional and ‘hooked on pills’. There is not a grain of truth, but Dad, my beloved aunt and some nieces are worried. It irritates my soul to know that I caused concern. My sister delights in drama.
My feeling is that without divine intervention or a total breakdown, my gas lighter will find the anger and energy to continue trying to reduce my worth in the world indefinitely. It’s such a dark mess. Many do not recover. But I choose to stop being a victim.